


The Better Feeling of My Heart

by staarryy



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, i needed an outlet for everything before the season finalte, i wrote this in a shakespearian rage at three am don't judge me please, it's all very sweet alright, pure fluff, sweet babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-18 04:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21505423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/staarryy/pseuds/staarryy
Summary: Miserable and undeniably still in love with Gilbert, Anne left the flowers she picked in Bash's hands and made her way towards her most calm spot, thinking over all her confusing feelings and what was there for her to do next. She was unaware of the amount of time she spent up there.She was also unaware of someone making their way towards her.Anne was stirred out of her thoughts by a person clearing their throat behind her. She tore her eyes away and shifted around, facing no other than Gilbert Blythe. She nearly sighed at the sight of the sun rays dancing against his face, looking as tragic and handsome as he did when she last saw him, all a drunken and rumbling mess.Set right after the end of 3.09
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 363





	The Better Feeling of My Heart

Anne stood fairly away from the edge of the cliff, though close enough to have the whole beach open below her. The sun was close to the waters, but the sky remained blue. Her feet were planted steadily in the ground beneath her as she left her hands in her blue coat, unable to move as she gazed upon the horizon and crashing waves, silencing the sound of her sighing heart. The wind in her hair and the salty smell in her nose. It was the most perfect scene, if not for the sorrow clutching at her gut.

It wasn’t often that she came to that cliff, but mostly in times of great distress and grief over buried hopes. Just as it was on her first days in Avonlea, when Mrs. Lynde's cruel words have cut so deep in her heart she couldn't think straight. She was so certain she had no place in the world, and she came there, as she did other times later. Though now she was positive about her place in the world. Without Gilbert.

She was reminded of her trip to the beach with the Cuthberts’, standing in her dripping underthings with a blanket around her body, staring off into the ocean and thinking of all the possibilities life stored. She could feel an echo of the same day stir in her quietly. 

She was unaware of the amount of time she spent up there, contemplating what to do next. She’ll go to Diana, yes, she decided –- and spend time with her most darling bosom friend, and drown herself in the comfort of Diana’s presence by her side.

She was also unaware of someone making their way towards her.

Anne was stirred out of her thoughts by a person clearing their throat behind her. She tore her eyes away and shifted around, facing no other than Gilbert Blythe. She nearly sighed at the sight of the sun rays dancing against his face, looking as tragic and handsome as he did when she last saw him, all a drunken and rumbling mess.

What was he even doing there? It was her special, one of her most intimate places on the island. She only ever took Cole up there with her, but that was it. How did Gilbert Blythe possibly know to come there? Was he even intending to find her, or perhaps did he, too, find comfort in the divine spot?

A sting ran through her heart as she tried to remind herself to smile; Gilbert was engaged, his dreams were coming into existence, he was on the brink of achieving all he wanted in his life. No longer on the rout to become a country doctor in plain (romantic, lovely--) Avonlea. Maybe not even on Prince Edward Island! The sky was his limit.

She couldn't manage to smile. Instead, she decided to be brave.

Anne looked into his eyes, dark and soft. “Gilbert,” she said, like it was a sigh, or a prayer. “I’m surprised seeing you here.”

“I’m not. To see you, I mean,” Gilbert replied, and Anne squinted her eyes at him. He cleared his throat again at that. “I’ve seen you go here, before. Running this way.”

His words came out short and hesitated, like he was choking them out of himself forcibly. Anne didn’t like seeing her friend -- her Gilbert -- in such a state. Though he really wasn’t hers. Was that the reason the most assured and grounded Gilbert was oh so lost on words? Did he not know how to break it to her?

It was clear he was back from the city, even if she didn’t already know he went to Charlottetown: from his dark coat and clean white shirt, the fancy trousers and his good hat. The brown one.

It was too late for her, anyway. Gilbert came to inform her he was to marry Winifred Rose and then Anne will move on. 

She knew she will. Eventually.

Gilbert took his hand inside his pocket, bringing something out from his inside pocket to Anne, and held out Anne’s pen for her like an offer in the space between them. “Here.” Anne could only stare at the pen she gave him for what felt like a lifetime ago. “I figured it was about time you’ll get it back, eh?”

Now that was the proof for Anne that he read her letter. Could he really make this anymore hurtful? Was that the only thing he had to tell her in his decline? Surely he could find a more mature way to approach her on the matter! 

Anne tried to shake the nagging thoughts away, to act supportive. She took the pen from his hand and looked up, facing his shy smile, eyebrows doing the funny little thing they did, all scrunched down like a worried old man.

They were awfully close now. The last time they were so much in each other’s space was in dance practice that Mrs. Lynde gave them, with Gilbert eyeing her up so warmly, their hands in each other’s embrace and the soaring feeling bubbling in her--

“It’s a good thing you brought it before your leaving,” she said abruptly. “I suppose I owe you a congratulation.”

He looked at her, his shy smile faltering as he clenched his jaw. His Adam's Apple bobbed as he gulped. “What for?”

Anne’s hand which was still between them, holding the pen, now fell by her side. “Please, Gilbert,” she began, only for him to open his mouth with a reply but cutting him off. “Miss Rose, obviously. I’m increadibly joyous for the bright future that waits for you. With nothing…” Anne’s eyes caught with his, and suddenly it was very hard to finish her trail of thought. “To hold you back. Yes.”

Gilbert shook his head. “Nothing held me back, Anne, I-- You--” He stumbled over his words.

“Diana told me all about your conversation with her father,” Anne said, feeling so very tired, “It’s good that you’re settling everything with Bash before your marriage, and I suppose this is your way of settling everything with me too, and though I would greatly prefer it if you didn’t merely return my pen as I asked but also explain to me why my words haven’t been enough--”

“Your words?” Gilbert asked, voice quiet and steady.

Anne raised her eyebrows at him. “My letter,” she said matter-of-factly.

Gilbert’s nervous strange little laugh caught her off guard. He looked completely lost. “What?”

Anne’s brain stopped dead. She could feel her eyes widen like bowls.

“The letter,” she stuttered, searching in Gilbert’s gaze frantically for any sign of recognition. She found none. “Your letter. Mine. That I left you on the kitchen table, with my confession. Which I reminded you… to bring me back…” she trailed off in slight embarrassment, her ears turning pink. She coughed. “My pen.”

“You -- confessed?” Gilbert blurted, lips parted and mouth open in surprise. “Your love?”

Anne’s whole face burned. “Forget it. It’s nothing. I respect yours and Winifred’s engagement, and I’m glad for you. Your friendship matters more to me than my wounded pride.”

Gilbert looked like he was struck by lightning. The sunlight danced in his eyes, turning the dark into melted pools of honey. “I didn’t propose to Winnie.”

Anne was good with words. Most of the time, it was her biggest power, after he imagination. But now she had none, choking on her tongue. “You -- what?”

Gilbert gulped nervously, which only made her stress even more. “I didn’t propose.”

Anne felt like she let out a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding, trapped in her chest like a bird in a rattling cage as his words washed over her and opened the lock.

But then, if he had no idea of Anne’s visits in the past week, then what brought him to leave Miss Rose?

“And you didn’t read my letter?” She asked, brows furrowed.

“I have no idea what letter you’re on about, no,” Gilbert replied, his voice growing easier. “I didn’t do it because I couldn’t possibly go through the proposal. Winnie is lovely, and amazingly easy to be with, but I don’t want just an easy marriage. I want to be with someone… for love. And that wasn’t what I held for her.”

“I came by your house this morning, with flowers.” Anne’s throat was tight, though not from sadness or grief, but from uncontrollably growing joy. “To ask you why you declined my declaration of blatant adoration, but you were already off. It was only fair to assume --”

“I didn’t,” Gilbert said in certainty. A promise. “I won’t.”

“But what about the Sorbonne?” Anne persisted. It was too good to be true for her to give in. She couldn't be let down.

“It can wait,” he replied, his eyes squinting a bit in a smile before he looked away from her, only for his gaze to travel right back. He scratched his hand behind his neck before adding, “And I can, too.”

They were close now, close enough that Anne’s shadow fell on Gilbert and the sun didn’t reflect on him anymore. It didn’t need to. He was shining all by himself.

“There’s no need to, Gilbert,” she said, smiling at him. “No need at all!”

He grinned at her and in a second his arms were around her, as tightly close as when they embraced in tears at Mary’s death, only now it felt like they were on the other side of the world. She held onto him tightly, her legs no longer meeting the earth but spinning around in the air as laughter spilled off her lips.

She felt like he was exploding beneath her, warm and light-headed in relief and every breath she ever let out. Maybe it was her exploding. Maybe it was both. 

He brought her down and her feet met the ground, and she felt so much different than when she stood there moments ago. Now soaring. Barely floating above the grass, just the tiniest bit.

Her hair was an orange mess. She could only imagine what a fright she looked like, yet Gilbert’s soft eyes didn’t leave her. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked abruptly, like he couldn’t help himself, cheeks pink and smile wide and eyebrows high. 

She couldn’t help the breathy chuckle that escaped her as she brought her hands up to cup his face, fingers tenderly ghosting over his strong jaw, mesmerized as he melted to the touch of her hands. Her heart swelled so big she was sure it took all of her body by then.

She tilted her head and tipped his face down towards hers and then -– oh god, and Anne was kissing him.

Gilbert tasted like every book she ever finished felt, like a fire going inside her chest raged. Like dangerous crashing waves, breathtaking in how vivid they could become. His lips caressed Anne’s timidly, and Anne lost every ability to think. She could feel Gilbert’s grip finding her waist as if grounding her not to trip, not to fall, not to float. His lips parted, and Anne breathed into his mouth, and it was the most precious thing.

After they parted, Anne’s heels met with the earth below her again, and she couldn’t control her grin. Her hands still rested at Gilbert’s face as she looked up at him, drinking in the sight of him watching her through his eyelashes, face in the most content smile she ever saw him wear. It was a nice look on him, for sure.

Then it shifted into a mischievous smirk, and before she knew it Anne was brought down to meet the grass below them, crashing into the softness of the world in roaring laughter.

She rolled over to her side to face Gilbert, ready to shove him as he lay on his back at her side with his face tilted to her, watching her move as if it was the most interesting thing to behold. Had he always watched her so? She figured she had watched him so for longer than she had noticed.

Anne brought her hand to his shoulder to push him for what he did, only for him to capture it midway and bring her closer to him, laying with her chest against the side of his torso and his own head laying on the grass just below her own. 

“You little--” Anne started, fond as she’ll ever be.

Gilbert chuckled and connected their lips sweetly, and Anne melted against him. She found her lips moving gently against Gilbert’s. A small voice in her head told her she should stop, that Gilbert wasn’t yet courting her and that it was all so very improper, but when did Anne ever give in to such silly thinking? Her mind was feeling like it was sweetly drenched in honey.

All she wanted was to bring their bodies closer together, to continue their kissing. Gilbert’s mouth on hers was quickly becoming one of her new favourite things.

Time passed between them on that cliff, the sky changed into a comforting pink shade. Despite the cold air, Anne haven’t ever felt so warm, laying on her side and facing Gilbert, mirroring her position.

Gilbert smiled ever so sweetly. “I still can’t believe this is real,” he confessed.

“You should,” Anne advised. 

Her hands didn’t leave his face. Fingers tenderly roaming over his features, unafraid. Running through his dark curls, unapologetic. 

“I really thought there was no chance for this ever,” he said quietly, though not ashamed. “After the night of the Queens exam.”

Anne chuckled at that. “Heavens, Gilbert, how in the name of the lord did you think it was clarifying enough?”

Gilbert laughed breathlessly. “I don’t know. I was fairly frightened.” His eyes squinted as he turned serious, his brows furrowing. “I would’ve never come to you about this again. The last thing I wished was to push you into anything.”

“For such a clever boy, you’re fairly daft,” Anne replied jokingly. Then she smiled softly. “But I appreciate this. And do know, you won’t push me to do anything.”

“I have no doubt.”

Anne curled up against him in a hug, sighing. She placed her hand hesitantly over his chest, just where his coat was open to show his shirt. She looked at him for clarification, and at his gentle smile allowed herself to bring her face to the left side of his neck. She placed a gentle kiss on top of Gilbert’s pulse before nestling below his head.

She could feel him laying his face against her tousled hair, and heard him let out a breath. His hat was long forgotten next to them.

“I’m glad it didn’t turn out tragical after all,” he said quietly. “Our romance.”

She looked up at him, her hand never leaving its place on his torso. Gilbert brought one of his hands, the one that wasn’t around Anne herself to rest over her own, lacing their fingers together. 

Anne wanted to cherish forever the haze they were in. “Me neither.” 

She looked up at him, unable to stop smiling at the sight of Gilbert’s messy hair, flushed cheeks, reddened lips. This was her doing. This was her effect on him.

God, how she cherished to be allowed to love him so freely.

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this is pretty much my first take on anything not original since my latest fic from a year or so back, so please do spare your thoughts! i got this idea while driving the train two days ago and couldn't get the scene out of my head and ended up waking up in the middle of the night and writing it all down so it's quite possible there are many typos i'll go over next sunday. hope we all survive the finale!!!


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